I shower and start a pot of coffee. I eat a quick breakfast, which is usually a Poptart. I grab some coffee and head to work. On my drive, I play a mix of music by some of my favorite artists, such as Post Malone, Kenny Chesney, and even Drake. I would usually sing along, but I don’t pay any attention to the music because I am immersed in my own thoughts. When I get to work, I knock on the door and put on a brave face even though I am a wreck inside.
Being an essential employee means that although we are supposed to stay at home as much as we can and distance ourselves from others, I have to go to work. Being a caregiver means that I am on the front lines of this pandemic.
I work in another family’s home and take care of a teenage girl who has developmental disabilities. The family I work with goes out into public quite frequently, which means if they are ever exposed to the virus that is wreaking havoc on the world, more than likely I will be exposed as well. What if I was exposed to the virus while at the grocery store? I could be exposing my client and her family to the virus and I wouldn’t even know.
My work says we should remain six feet away from our clients as frequently as possible, but what happens when she needs help completing a task? What if I need to step in and assist her while she is making herself lunch or needs an explanation for her math homework, which she struggles with so much?
My mind is constantly going through worst-case scenarios and “what ifs.”
I am thankful that I have a job, but I am also scared for my life and those who surround me.
At the beginning of the pandemic, I was not worried at all. I did not expect it to spread around the world, killing and hospitalizing as many people as it has. When I saw on the news how bad Italy was being hit by the virus, I started to panic.
At one point, I stressed out about the virus so much I made myself sick. I missed two days of work because I couldn’t cope with the reality I was facing. I laid in bed and thought about how I would die if I contracted the virus. About how I would cope with the loss of an elder family member if they became ill and didn’t survive.
I kept checking the news for information, looking at the number of cases each day in Oregon and thinking, “This is happening right now and there is nothing I can do about it.” I had to stop or I was going to spiral out of control down a path I’m not sure I could return from.
Now that school has started and I have learned to cope with reality, my view on life has changed.
Although I cannot do much to help during the pandemic, I know that I am doing my best to prevent spreading the virus to those I see on a daily basis. I now wear a mask at all times when going out into public. I wash my hands at least four times an hour when I am at work, and when I can’t wash my hands I use hand sanitizer. My hands are the driest they have ever been. I don’t always enjoy going to work because it is difficult for both my client and myself, but it brings me joy to be able to provide support to my client during a trying and uncertain time.
I haven’t seen my family in well over a month, but we still chat over text and call to make sure everyone is well. I have to remind myself that this is only temporary and life will find its way back to normalcy soon enough.
If I have learned anything from this ongoing pandemic, it is this: love from a distance, do your part to ensure the health and safety of others, and don’t stress over things you cannot control.
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